74 million terminally ill patients in the United States have access to medical aid in dying, but dying Minnesotans do not have that option. That must change and it must change now. According to a recent poll, 3 out of 4 Minnesota voters agree and want the End-of-Life Options Act to pass.
I wish my mom would have had access to this option.
People with a terminally ill condition often endure unimaginable pain and prolonged suffering. They have lost all control over their body and their life. Medical aid in dying (MAID) gives patients autonomy over their death. Having a voice and choice over your life, your body and your death should be a right afforded to all terminally ill Minnesotans.
I wish my mom’s voice would have been heard and honored.
It is commonly thought that hospice and palliative care sufficiently addresses pain and suffering at the end of life. It is also commonly thought that if you voluntarily stop eating and drinking, you will pass peacefully within a few days. If only that had been true for my mom. Her heartbreaking story, tragically, tells a very different tale.
My mom, Tonny Willems, died of cancer in March of 2022. Her desire for a peaceful death without suffering was very strong, and she brought up the topic of medical aid in dying to her doctor many times, even prior to her illness.
Unfortunately, suffering was not new to my mom. It was something she dealt with much of her life. Given that, it was especially important to her to not have to suffer upon her death.
Once my mom entered hospice, we had visions of holding hands, talking, reflecting, remembering, reminiscing, and sharing our love together. We hoped that this last stage of her life here would be a peaceful one. Unfortunately, it was not. Her time in hospice was devastatingly traumatic, filled with pain, suffering, and sadness for her and for our family.
A couple of days into hospice care, it became very difficult for my mom to move or speak and she was no longer able to eat or drink. Her pain continued to worsen. We were told by the hospice team that they were seeing the signs that she would pass soon and that without water, it would be just a few days at most. We were so relieved to hear that her suffering was finally coming to an end.
Those few days turned into FOUR WEEKS! Four weeks without water or food. Four weeks of watching my mom literally disintegrate and decompose in front of our eyes, her body relentlessly convulsing while we begged and pleaded with her medical team to address her suffering. Four weeks of a living hell. Her hospice team was extremely compassionate, but at a loss as to what to do. There is nothing beautiful, sacred, or peaceful about watching your mom (or any human) suffer needlessly, stripped of all choice, autonomy, and dignity.
My sister and I were my mom’s voice then, and today, exactly two years later, we are still her voice. We also speak for many other Minnesotans who are actively dying and need this bill to pass now. They don’t have time to wait any longer. I don’t want any other human or their family to experience what we went through, and neither would my mom.
There is nothing humane or compassionate about forcing someone to suffer in their last days and stripping them of a voice and a choice over their own body. It is inhumanity at its worst. We were not able to truly grieve, mourn, honor, and remember our mom after she passed because the trauma of what we lived was all-consuming. These memories continue to haunt us daily and have left lifelong scars.
Some minority groups opposed to the option of medical aid in dying do so in the name of protecting vulnerable populations. According to the dictionary, vulnerability is “the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.” I would argue that giving dying patients no choice, voice, or control over their final days and forcing them to suffer actually makes them immensely vulnerable. By not passing this legislation, it will indeed be the most vulnerable who will continue to suffer. Who is protecting them?
I ask myself, why do we as a society not give people bodily autonomy at the end of life, when people are actively dying and suffering? Is it because external interests are pushing to keep people sick but alive? Let’s face it, you can’t make money off a dead person.
Those of us who support this bill are not trying to force anyone to go against their beliefs or values and choose medical aid in dying upon their death. Every qualifying patient should have the choice to make that decision for themselves. But that is the whole point: without this option, there is less freedom and choice for terminally ill Minnesotans.
This should not be a partisan issue. ALL of our terminally ill Minnesotans and their families deserve Choice, Dignity, Humanity, Compassion, and Love. Let’s please respect and honor their end-of-life wishes and allow them to die peacefully on their own terms.
What a gift to give our mom a peaceful passing might have been. We, as a society, need to have the fortitude, courage, and compassion to make the End-of-Life Options Act law in Minnesota.
Françoise Willems-Shirley and her family moved to Minnesota from the Netherlands in 1976. She is a retail, e-tail and communications entrepreneur, is married with two adult sons and lives in Hopkins. Her mother died in March 2022.
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