During the holidays, most of us connect with our families. We see mom, dad, grandma and grandpa after weeks, months or even years of being apart. For some, these reunions will unwrap very evident changes. Maybe grandpa isn’t getting out of his chair much anymore. Or, perhaps your mom’s memory is not as sharp and she’s acting unusually impatient. Or, maybe your favorite Uncle in his late 70’s is now using a cane and quit playing pickleball.
If you ask Linden Hills resident Melissa Fritz to describe her dad in one word, she would say “eccentric!” It’s a characteristic that was endearing until Melissa noticed a subtle change when her dad was about 62-years-old.
“He just started to act even more eccentric.” Melissa recalls. It wasn’t until her dad’s behavior was so out of the ordinary, that Melissa got word about what was going on. “Essentially my mom had covered it up. They’d been together since they were teenagers. She was simply taking care of him. It wasn’t until things got so extreme that my mom reached out to my siblings and me saying that she just couldn’t handle it.”
Melissa’s dad was eventually diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, at age 67. “I understand first-hand how families can miss these cues that there is something not right because they’re so close and, in my dad’s case, he’s always been a little quirky.”
After the diagnosis, Melissa asked her dad, “Where do you want to go, anywhere in the world?” He responded he wanted to see his great-grandchildren who were all over the country including a new baby in California. So, Melissa booked first class plane tickets, rented a Camaro and did it up right! She says the experience was wonderful. And, while navigating a dream trip went smoothly, Melissa would learn navigating care for her dad while he battled Alzheimer’s was a much, much bumpier ride.
The diagnosis is something Melissa and her family were familiar with as her dad’s mom, Melissa’s grandmother, developed Alzheimer’s in her late 80’s. She moved from Fargo to the Twin Cities to be closer to Melissa’s parents. That’s when the whole family experienced the ups and downs that accompany the continuum of care. With her own dad, Melissa would learn the process isn’t any easier.
“My mom had handled too much of the burden for too long,” Melissa recalls. “They were in Crosslake and my brother, sister and I were in the Twin Cities. When we saw my dad, he seemed ok for so long, despite the Alzheimer’s. It wasn’t until my mom broke her ankle and we spent days at a time with my parents, that we recognized how much work my mom was doing. She was the only caregiver.” Melissa says one spouse tends to bear the burden, neglecting their own needs. “We realized we needed to come up with a plan.”
Coincidentally, Melissa had started a career in senior living as a consultant at the time of her dad’s diagnosis. While she had insider knowledge of options for her dad’s care, she couldn’t make any decisions just yet.
“It was very hard for my mom to give up control of my dad’s care. Even though she was healthy it got to be too much as she was constantly monitoring his every move.” By the time Melissa’s dad moved into Memory Care, he couldn’t understand why his wife wasn’t coming with him. Her mom felt tremendous guilt while Melissa and her sister tried to put her at ease reminding her that she didn’t have to be his caregiver anymore, she could be his wife.
Certainly the emotional toll a health crisis like this can take on a family is immense. Layer in the financial piece and you have a situation that too many families are struggling to navigate.
“In most instances, it comes down to money. Memory care is thousands of dollars a month. We wanted to help my parents but had to ask the question: do we relieve mom and bankrupt her at the same time?!” Melissa admits she and her family were in denial for a bit, which is common for so many families afraid to face the realities of their aging loved ones.
“This is where the seeds were planted for me,” Melissa recalls. “There needs to be more conversation and more awareness of how we do this and what resources are available.” For example, every state has an agency on aging. In Minnesota a top resource is the Senior Linkage Line which connects families with resources and options based on finances, health and veteran status. Families are going to be asked if they have long-term insurance, Medicare, etc. “This should be families first step, instead of calling assisted living communities,” says Melissa.
Melissa started to think about doing something more to reach families. The pandemic also helped drive her to action. “I was working in senior living then and I remember when PPE was hard to find. I would go home in tears nearly every day because how do you explain to someone with dementia that their loved one can’t come inside to see them? It tore me up.”
Melissa put together a plan and with her husband’s help pitched the concept of a docu-series to numerous networks. After over a year of persistent pitching, Melissa successfully secured a deal with PBS North, bringing her vision to life. “Inside Senior Living” is not just a television show; it’s a heartfelt exploration of the challenges and triumphs experienced by seniors and their families. The series goes beyond the conventional narratives surrounding senior living communities, immersing itself in the diverse experiences of families. Through thought-provoking interviews, expert insights, and real-life examples, the show aims to create a platform for dialogue around the opportunities and challenges faced by older adults today.
“I am thrilled that my vision has now materialized, and I am eagerly awaiting the start of production for this series with our co-production partner and Upper Midwest Emmy-Award winner, PBS North,” Melissa explains. “My hope is that ‘Inside Senior Living’ will spark important conversations that resonate widely, especially among adult children.”
Production for the eight-episode, first season of “Inside Senior Living” is scheduled to start early 2024 exclusively in Minnesota. As part of the production process, the team behind “Inside Senior Living” is inviting Minnesota-based families to share their stories and be featured on the show. The series is on the lookout for casting engaging and diverse families willing to open their lives to the cameras and provide an authentic glimpse into the challenges and joys of aging. The series initial release is slated to air on PBS North in November 2024.
Article by Kelly Plummer. For additional information about the series or the casting application process and to view the sizzle reel, please visit https://insideseniorliving.tv/.