In early May of this year, the media was filled with stories that dealt with the report from the U.S, Surgeon General, Dr. Vitek Murthy, that declared that loneliness is a public health epidemic. My suspicion is that we seniors are probably not all that surprised by such a declaration. I will say more about this in this article about our experiences as seniors. Back to the report, one fact is absolutely astounding – half of U.S. adults say they have experienced loneliness. As I read the report and being a senior myself – having turned 80 last November – I was struck by how loneliness is impacting people of all ages these days. One of the realities of loneliness is that it leads to feeling disconnected. The Surgeon General is calling upon work places, schools, community organizations, parents – and I would add Churches – to be aware of what is happening in the lives of many, many people these days and hopefully to make changes that will promote more connection for people of all ages. In this article, I want to reflect on this report on the impact of loneliness for us seniors and what might be some steps that we might take for more connection in our lives.
As I was preparing to write this article, I had a memory of a movie I saw a long time ago – The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner, Maybe you saw it? I looked it up and it was released in 1962. I have this memory of this young man running and running for miles and miles alone. What strikes me is that today many people of all ages are running long distances – as life is very challenging – and we are running alone. This movie seems like an appropriate image for the Surgeon General’s report on loneliness as a major public epidemic.
As a senior and being in contact with many seniors, I believe we are very vulnerable to experiencing loneliness. Some factors I see contributing to this are: it is challenging to stay in contact with long-time friends because of illness or death; ourselves or friends moving from where we or they have lived for a long time into senior communities; challenges of trying to connect with younger people whom we have just met and seem to be from a different planet; challenges that arise from our own aging issues around socializing and exercising; becoming full-time caregivers to those we love. I believe these and other issues contribute to us seniors being quite vulnerable to experiencing loneliness.
The first issue I raise around connections with others arises from my being an extravert. I like to meet new people and enjoy being a greeter at the Church my wife and I attend as well as staying connected with friends and neighbors. My sense is that this way of interacting is much more challenging for people who are more introverted. We need to be realistic as we age in relation to what we can do, especially in relating to others. Connections are important as a way to avoid loneliness, and that means different things to different people. I have found Zoom meetings have been helpful in keeping connections alive at a distance.
Second, I would suggest looking at what interests you and excites you. What do you like to do? Ask people you know if there are groups you can connect with in your area. I have seen that asking for help from others can be a good way to connect with others. This means risking to say we could use some support. My experience has shown me that good things will often result if we ask for help – and at times, this help has come from people younger than myself.
Another way to connect with people is to thank people for what they have given us. Giving thanks is a very positive way to connect with others – people like to be thanked. I see giving thanks as a two-way street – it is good to receive thanks and it is good to give thanks.
Another possible way to connect with people is to call someone you haven’t spoken to in a while. Reach out and inquire how they are doing and what is happening with them. This is a simple way of saying, “I am thinking of you” – who doesn’t like to be thought of, especially as we age?
Loneliness is a huge factor in the lives of many Americans today, and I believe it is a significant factor in the lives of many us seniors. How to deal creatively with loneliness is a challenge facing us. I would invite you to try some of the approaches I suggested in this article for making or maintaining connections with others. As the English poet, John Donne said many years ago, no one is an island. We need others to support us and connect with and some people need us for the same reasons – we are not islands! So, who might you reach out to if you are feeling lonely? Think of little steps you might take as you continue to run through your life. Is there anyone you can run with?
Mark Scannell is a senior, residing in south Minneapolis. He enjoys the benefits of belonging to a number of support groups. He can be reached at [email protected].