Long-distance travel makes me reflective.
I think about the 337 miles between my parent’s home and mine. As I traveled last week on an Amtrak train to visit my folks, I couldn’t help but wonder if this type of travel would be useful when my parents require more assistance.
We, as adult children, spread our wings and head out to conquer the world. But eventually, we’re called back to the nest.
We begin to step up when we’re needed, often while continuing on with our busy routines with our own families.
Then a diagnosis or a health concern for a family member indicates a shift in how things need to be done — or more of our time is needed than the occasional phone call and visit.
This level of need feels surprising, shocking even: We say, “But she was fine last time I saw her,” or “He’s been like that for a while.”
We’re frustrated, nervous and, honestly, a bit scared.
Having to balance your own family schedules and work on caring for your family member can be overwhelming and difficult to manage.
Long-distance caregiving can be particularly challenging. Though we’re not physically there — doing many daily tasks for them — our minds go there often. We wonder if they’re eating enough or if they’re taking their meds. We worry they might end up closing themselves off to the world.
Distance away, however, needn’t make us feel helpless or remove us from the caregiver team.
Even from a thousand miles away, there are many things we can do:
Plan ahead
Work with your family member or friend who needs help to have all their important records, information and release forms signed and ready to go.
Find an area agency on aging
Each state has one and they’re a goldmine for resources in your caregiving journey. See usaging.org
Work with a caregiver consultant or coach
And find a caregiving group in your own area for support and help with strategizing.
Hold a family meeting
Discuss future options for Mom and Dad as well as ways to fulfill their needs now. Text, FaceTime siblings and all interested parties — and don’t forget to include the older adults in question, if they’re able to take part. Go to caregiver.org for additional tips and ideas.
Be familiar with local and far-away caregiving resources
You’ll be ready to react — and adapt — when a care situation changes. Doing this research beforehand will ensure you know where to turn when unexpected situations arise.
Find your role
Being a long-distance caregiver is its own kind of special role — different but not easier than that of an in-town caregiver or family member: We research resources online that could be used to help our family member or friend from afar, we become transit experts as we find the least expensive ways to get from here to there, and we do our best to know the ins and outs of a diagnosis. We learn through mishaps how to make our voice heard — and for us to be recognized as part of the care team even if we’re thousands of miles away.
Jen Finstad is a caregiver consultant and social worker. This article first appeared in the October 2014 issue of Minnesota Good Age.